Self-Loathing

What is self-loathing?

Self-loathing is a strong feeling that you’re not good enough. It resembles self-hate.

With self-loathing, you might over-criticize the way you look or the things that you do. You may notice all of your flaws or mistakes and put yourself down because of them. You may feel unworthy, worthless or imperfect.

Self-loathing makes it difficult to see the positives and the good parts of every moment when your mind focuses on the negatives.

Experiencing self-loathing doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or incapable of feeling good about yourself. It just means that your brain is wired to think differently. There are ways that you can rewire your brain. Sometimes, this is challenging to do, so don’t hesitate to reach out to a healthcare provider. They can help you rearrange those wires so you can feel better.

Signs and symptoms of self-loathing

You may feel the following if you experience self-loathing:

• Anxiety
• Depression and hopelessness
• Fixating on negative feelings (rumination)
• Feeling inadequate
• A lack of motivation
• Socially withdrawn
• Extreme emotional changes (emotional liability)
• Difficulty empathizing with others (emotional rigidity)
• Trouble expressing emotions (blunted effect)

Self-loathing may affect your behavior. It could reduce your motivation so you’re less likely to carry out positive behaviors. For example, you may feel like there’s no point in pursuing a promotion at work. Or you might avoid self-care because of negative thoughts.

You may also experience:

• Difficulty sleeping (not falling asleep, waking up early, sleep interruptions, insomnia)
• Trouble concentrating or thinking clearly
• Decreased energy level
• Loss of appetite or eating more than usual
• An urge to move around (motor restlessness)

What does self-loathing look like?

Self-loathing may look and feel different for each person who experiences it. The most common features include:

• No self-compassion
• Extreme self-criticism
• A lack of trust or respect for yourself
• Feeling stressed out often

Your thoughts could be overwhelming. Some examples of self-loathing thoughts may include:

• “I won’t do well on this.”
• “I look awful.”
• “I don’t deserve this.”

Negative thoughts and feelings typically happen in a cycle. As negative thoughts continue, it makes you feel bad. This contributes to more negativity.

Is self-loathing a mental illness?

No. But self-loathing may be a symptom of many underlying mental health conditions. The most common condition is depression.

What causes self-loathing?

There are a lot of factors that may contribute to self-loathing. It typically develops over time. Some examples of what may cause self-loathing may include:

• An underlying mental health condition, like depression or anxiety, among others
• Adverse childhood experiences or traumatic life events
• Wanting to fit in or comparing yourself to others (societal expectations)
• Having very high standards for yourself (perfectionism)
• Low self-esteem

How to stop self-loathing?

Self-loathing can be challenging to manage on your own. You can talk to a mental health professional who can help you work through these difficult thoughts and feelings. They may recommend participating in cognitive behavioral therapy. This is a type of talk therapy where you’ll learn more about how your thoughts and feelings affect your behavior so you can take steps to address them.

Everyone can benefit from therapy, and it isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. Instead, it’s a sign of strength and wanting to take care of yourself.

Tips to stop self-loathing

It takes time and practice to interrupt the cycle of negative thoughts and feelings. Here are some tips that may help:

• Do activities that remind you of positive experiences and distract you from negative ones.
• Try to recall a time when things worked out well while doing a similar task.
• Make changes to your environment that help you remember good times, like hanging a photo of your loved ones on your mirror.
• Find ways to make big problems easier, like taking them one step at a time instead of doing everything at once.
• Focus on your progress instead of the outcome, like finishing the race instead of winning first place.

One way to deal with self-loathing is to approach the critic. You can imagine self-loathing as a very opinionated critic in your head. They have something not-so-nice to say about everything you do. But have you tried talking to them? You can try the following:

1. Say the negative thought out loud.
2. Ask yourself if this is something you’d tell another person.
3. If you answer “no,” can you think of another way to phrase this thought to be more constructive or helpful?

When you talk to the critic, you can practice different ways to talk to yourself to manage negative thoughts. This gives you more insight into how often you may be unfair or unkind to yourself. It opens the door to allow yourself some compassion and empathy.

When should I see a healthcare provider about self-loathing?

Having occasional negative self-thoughts is normal. But if these thoughts become overwhelming, distracting or prevent you from completing your routine, it’s time to talk to a healthcare provider.

Here are some examples of when you should get help for self-loathing:

• Your eating habits change.
• It impacts your grades in school or your work performance.
• Your sleeping patterns change.
• You frequently use the phrase “I don’t feel well” without physical symptoms to get out of personal obligations.

Self-loathing thoughts may lead to other thoughts about suicide or self-harm. If you start to have these thoughts, you’re not alone — and help is available. You can reach out to a healthcare provider or call or text 988. This is the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Someone is available to talk to you 24/7. If you’re in immediate danger, contact 911 or your local emergency services number.