The relationship between your children is very important. Preparing your child or children ahead of time for the birth of their new sister or brother will help them adjust when the baby is born. Below are some practical suggestions.
Prepare the older child for the new baby
- Tell your child about his or her "babyhood" - how he or she was born and fed, how you rocked him/her and shared many hugs and kisses.
- Show your child photos when he/she was being fed, held and bathed as a baby.
- Let your child go with you to your prenatal visits. Have your child listen to the fetal heartbeat and feel the baby kick within your uterus.
- Give your child a new doll so he or she can practice caring for a "baby" too.
- Make arrangements for your child's care while you are in hospital. Discuss these arrangements with your child well before the baby's due date.
- Prepare the baby's bedroom or sleeping area well in advance, so your child can adjust.
- Place a photo of the older child as a baby at child's eye level in the baby's room or where the family spends the most time.
- Talk with your child about what the new brother or sister will be like. Use books that show pictures of babies and discuss what babies can and can not do.
- Develop a method of long-distance contact with the older child before going to the hospital. Some ideas are: call the child by phone so he/she will get used to the sound of your voice on the phone; write notes to the child to ask him or her to do small jobs; making a recording of you reading a story to the child.
Involve your child in preparations for the new baby
If the child wants to, let him or her:
- Help mother pack her suitcase for the hospital.
- Help select baby's name.
- Help pick out baby's coming home clothes.
Make the baby's homecoming a special event for the whole family
- Have a birthday cake and family birthday party to celebrate the new baby when you return home from the hospital.
- If the child wants to, let him or her help making birth announcements by drawing pictures, etc.
- Have older child pass out something special to friends announcing the baby's birth.
- Have older child and baby exchange gifts. Older child may want to pick out a special gift for the baby.
Involve your child in caring for the new baby
If the child wants to, let him or her:
- Fold or bring the diaper to you.
- Help stock the baby's dressing table with diapers and supplies.
- Help dress, burp and feed the baby.
If the older sibling is not interested in helping with these activities, provide a planned activity for him or her while caring for the baby.
If the child wants to, let him or her:
- Smile and talk to the baby, especially when the baby is fussy (be sure to let the older child know you are aware that the baby is enjoying it).
- Hold the baby with supervision.
- Share some (but not all) toys with the baby - let the older child keep the toys that are very special to him or her.
- Have a drawer or a place in the baby's room for some of his or her toys.
Things you can do for the older child:
- Bathe the new baby and older child at the same time if older child doesn't object.
- Assess the needs of the older child and plan to meet those needs before caring for the new baby.
Have a learning session for your older child
Undress your baby, talk about the different parts and functions of the body -- using correct terminology. Curiosity often can be satisfied by direct observation. Let your older child touch the baby as you emphasize "gently." Use the words "don't touch" as little as possible.
Allow older child to verbalize negative feelings toward the baby or mother
- Tell your child that sometimes moms don't feel well during pregnancy. During those times and while mom is in the hospital, dad and the older child may develop an even closer relationship. Take advantage of the developing relationship and encourage it.
- Talk, hold and show affection to the sibling whenever you see signs of jealously or regressive behavior. Some children regress after a younger sibling is born. The areas that may be affected include eating, toileting, crying and sleeping. Don't put sibling "down" because of his/her regression; rather, reassure the child and offer praise for his or her "big brother" or "big sister" actions and behavior.
- Praise positive behavior, ignore negative behavior. Reward only those behaviors you want to continue.
- Parents may want to use a task chart with gold stars to encourage positive behavior.
Remind the older child that he or she is special too
- There is certain space in the home that belongs to the sibling exclusively. Parents and baby should respect this space.
- Reinforce your child's role in the family, especially as the older sibling.
- Give your older child "seniority" by providing special jobs at home so he or she can contribute to the family.
- Be sure to praise the older child when he or she behaves well or does good work.
- Giving your child an allowance may also be important, depending on his or her age.
- Spend time alone with your older child throughout the day and especially at bedtime.
- Encourage the child to have a doll or stuffed animal to "take care of."
- Purchase small gifts for the older child. When visitors bring a gift for the baby, give previously purchased gift to older child.
- When friends come to visit the new baby, parents should include the older child in conversations or activities. For example, the older child could show the new baby to visitors.
- Provide a planned activity for your older child while caring for the baby.
- Father or both parents should have a planned activity outside of home with the older child only. There should be a routine weekly outing for the sibling (park, restaurant, or library).
Encourage independent behavior
Some children enjoy knowing they are more capable of caring for themselves and seek ways of becoming more independent as a response to the baby.
- Teach the child independent behavior (at play, dressing or toileting), as appropriate for the child's age.
- Parents may want to use a task chart for children when they help with jobs around the house and with tasks associated with the new baby.
Suggested reading for families preparing for a new baby
- Bank, S. Sibling Bond.
- Farber, Adele. Siblings Without Rivalry . 1985.
- A classic book for parents; provides advice on avoiding the common struggles between siblings.
- Farber, Adele and Mazlish, Elaine. Between Brothers and Sisters. 1989. -- A wonderful book of photographs, poems and stories describing the sibling relationship through the years.
- Kitzinger, Sheila. Being Born. 1986.
- Lansky, Vicki. Welcoming Your Second Baby. 1987.
- Lansky, Vicki. 101 Ways to Make Your Child Feel Special. 1991. -- Ideas designed to build a child's confidence, self-esteem and individuality.
- Leon, Jane and Horowitz, Lisa. Becoming Best Friends -- Building a Loving Relationship Between Your Pet and Child. 1992.
- Nilsson, Lennart. How Was I Born? 1981. -- Photographic story of conception, fetal development and childbirth. While text is for older children, the photographs, particularly the famous ones of the developing fetus, are lovely and also suitable for younger children.
- Raney, Gail Todd. Another to Love. 1984.
- Birdseye, Tom. Waiting for Baby. 1991.
- Brown, Marc. Arthur's Baby. 1991. - A lovely story about Arthur and his new baby sister.
- Carroll, Teresa. Mommy Breastfeeds Our Baby. 1990. A booklet for young children to help them understand that breastfeeding is a natural and special way to feed a baby. Fully illustrated.
- Cole, Joanna. A New Baby at Your House. 1985. -- With clear text and numerous photographs, this is a reassuring book that will prepare young children for the ups and downs of having a new baby in the house.
- Cole, Joanna. How You Were Born. 1993
- Easy text with photographs make this a wonderful guide for young children and their parents to explain the birth of a baby.
- Cousins, Lucy. Za-Za's Baby Brother. 1995.
- Falwell, Cathryn. We Have a Baby. 1993.
- A book for the new or about to be new brother or sister. The book explains the important things the whole family can do for the baby.
- Harris, Robie. Happy Birth Day! 1996.
- A warm and touching story about baby's birth day as told by the mother.
- Lansky, Vicki. A New Baby at KoKo Bear's House. 1987.
- Mayer, Mercer. The New Baby. 1983. Warm and humorous account of sibling discoveries and adjustments to a new baby. Charming illustrations.
- Omerod, Jan. 101 Things to Do With a Baby. 1984.
- Rogers, Fred. The New Baby. 1985.
-Mr. Rogers talks to children about becoming a big brother or big sister.
The Miracle of Life - Nilsson, Lennart 1986 - From the NOVA public television series. The process of human conception, fetal development and birth are shown. Available at your local library.
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This information is provided by the Cleveland Clinic and is not intended to replace the medical advice of your doctor or health care provider. Please consult your health care provider for advice about a specific medical condition. This document was last reviewed on: 1/21/2008...#5185