It is important to realize that life is naturally stressful for children. To evaluate whether your child is negatively impacted by stress, you must consider a combination of factors, including the child's normal developmental stages, the child's personal style and what is occurring in the child's life. To maintain good mental health, a child must be able to master stressful situations while demonstrating normal developmental progress.
Areas of normal child development
A maturing child must pass through the following psychological and social developmental areas:
- Development of a sense of self and self-esteem
- Development of the ability to form attachments and relationships
- Learning cognitive, physical and social skills
If a child has difficulty mastering any age-appropriate task, the delay in development makes it more difficult for the child to continue along a normal developmental path. A child who consistently lags behind his other peers developmentally -- but whose development continues to progress -- may just be a late bloomer who could benefit from additional skill-building experiences.
Components of your child's personal style
Variations in the following components determine a child's style or personality and distinguishes him or her from other children at the same developmental level:
- A child's temperament
- A child's mental and physical makeup
- A child's natural interpretation of the world
Common sources of stress for a child
External or upsetting events
- Birth of a sibling
- Parental illness
- Family financial problems
- Natural disasters
- Being in an accident
- Being the victim of a robbery
- Moving, changing schools or entering a new class
- Divorce, parental separation or remarriage
- Death of a family member (including pets)
Positive events
- Holidays
- Vacations or trips
- Birthdays and other special days
A child's normal reactions to stress
Normal reactions to stress tend to be temporary changes in behavior and the sources of the stress are generally easy to identify. Normal reactions could include:
- Regression
- Nervous tics
- Nightmares
- Mild fears
- Irritability
- Sleep problems
- Restlessness
- Difficulty concentrating
More extreme reactions to stress
- Oppositional (defiant) behavior (normal for children age 2)
- Aggressive behavior (normal for children age 2)
- Temper tantrums (normal for children ages 2 to 3)
- Withdrawal: This is not to be confused with shyness, which is initial discomfort with acquaintances. Withdrawal is prolonged displays of avoidance behavior.
- Depression: Talk of suicide should always be professionally evaluated (even if you do not take it seriously) in order to determine the child's level of despair, coping skills and the elements causing the child stress.
- Psychosomatic symptoms: The expression of emotional conflict through physical symptoms, such as headaches and stomach aches.
- Unexplained fears (normal for children ages 2 to 3): Not to be confused with phobias, which prevent children from participating in particular activities or from being in certain places.
- Separation anxiety: This is normal during certain developmental periods and in certain situations. Seek professional help if the child does not outgrow the anxiety or becomes clingy for no apparent reason.
- Anxious behavior
- Obsessive-compulsive behavior: Young children tend to be ritual-bound. However, seek professional help if this behavior continues beyond age 6.
- Lying: This is normal for younger children. However, seek professional help if it continues beyond age 7.
- Stealing: This is common until about age 4. If chronic stealing continues beyond age 5, seek professional help.
- Eating and sleeping problems: Consult your pediatrician before seeking psychological help.
- Bedwetting (enuresis): If this continues after age 6, consult your pediatrician.
- Soiling (encopresis): Consult your pediatrician before seeking psychological help.
- Excessively touching his or her genitalia: If a child age 6 or older continues to play with his or her genitals in public, seek professional help.
Questions to help you decide whether your child may need professional help
- Is the child experiencing prolonged and intense discomfort?
- How long has the problem been going on and how intense is it?
- Is the child's problem affecting other areas of his or her development?
- Is the child's problem spreading to other areas?
- Is the family affected by the child's problem?
Children who are at higher risk
How well a child is able to cope with stressful situations depends on several factors, including temperament, areas in which he or she is vulnerable and the nature of the events that are occurring in the child's life. As a result, the following types of children tend to be at a higher risk of experiencing extreme reactions to stress:
- A child who shows no obvious signs of grief after the death of a loved one
- Children of divorce, separation or remarriage
- Adopted children
- Children with learning disabilities
- A temperamentally difficult or intense child
- Children who are pressured
Remember:
Children need as many opportunities as possible to view themselves as competent and effective. Even a child who experiences extreme levels of stress will benefit from consistent setting of limits, consistent follow-through with positive and negative consequences and help from a parent to constructively work through emotional problems.
